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I am searching for my two first born boys, Donald James and Christopher Dale Robert. Donny (I liked to call him DJ)was born July 26, 1991 at 11:59 pm at Itaska Medical Center in Grand Rapids Minnesota, USA. He weighed 7 pounds 2 ozs and was 20 inches long. He was blonde haired and blue eyed at birth. He continued to be very light blonde at age 6 but is probably dark haired or dark blonde like everyone else in our families. Christopher was also blonde haired and blue eyed and has also probably gotten darker haired now. Christopher was born October 12, 1992 at 6:38 am at Laverendrye Hospital in Fort Frances, Ontario, Canada. Both boys lived with me until June of 1994 and had come back to my home almost full time in January 1996. They were eventually adopted in December 1996 and left to their new adopted home on January 17, 1997.
My full name is Katherine Ann Wilkinson. I had at one time assumed my step fathers name, and that name does appear on both boy's birth records. It is Wickstrom. My brother still goes by that name. His name is Ken Wickstrom and his wife's name is Jane. They have two children now named Jake and Amy Wickstrom.
DJ and Chris have another brother named Chase Gayland George Colgan. He was born September 14, 1995. He lives with his grandparents but would like to one day know his brothers as he was just a baby when they left.
The reason for the final apprehension of the boys is painful. I had not been the best parent and asked for them to be placed in foster care so I could get my head on straight. I did this and the children were to be returned to me on February 8, 1996. My husband, Chase's father, had left me that January and had not paid the bills. Although I had the money in place to begin taking over the expenses of the home I did not have the money to pay the amount owing on gas, heat, water, and rent. As a result all the heat, water, and lights were turned off at the beginning of that week. I asked that the boys be kept a little longer until I could find a new place as the rent I had paid only went to cover what was owing and I received an eviction notice. It was the "inability" on my part to "maintain a stable and secure enviroment" for my three boys that cost me them in the long run. The place I did get that I could afford was a one bedroom apartment and I didn't have the money to buy bigger beds that Family and Children's Services said they needed at that time. I had tried to get things in place but I didn't do as good a job as was needed I guess. In the end my lawyer and the children's lawyer felt it best to allow an adoptive family be looked for while we tried to regroup and bring the case back to court in January of 1997. I had a councellor, a social worker at FACS, as well and my head firmly in place to take it back to court in February. I even had a roomate to help with the costs of a four bedroom apartment and some of my other friends were all set to buy the beds. A family was found before that time and the adoption went through before I could even ask my lawyer to file papers to take it back to court.
The last day I saw my children was December 24, 1996. I want them to know that I feel it was the right decision even if it backfired on me. I hope they have been happy and whole in a secure and loving family. I am so sorry for my mistakes that caused us to be parted. I love them and think of them everyday. At first there was contact with pictures, but it seemed that if I sent something they would only ask for more... and I wanted them to be in a real home with a normal life. Not be tied to a mother who had made too many mistakes.
Because of their adoption my ex husband was given full custody of Chase and he then left him to be raised by his own parents. Chase is happy with his grandparents. I do not get to see him, and even with a court order for access it is next to impossible to exercise this right. I hope one day all three of my boys will understand that I felt it best for them to have "normal" lives and not be torn between a million different people. I love them more then anything. I hope the truth of what I did and what I didn't do will come out in the end.
NO ONE was ever thrown away, given away, or not wanted. It is nothing but a dream, but I dream of seeing them again one day, even if I am never called "mommy" again, just to have them in my life as more then the memories and the place in my heart they have never vacated would be all I ask for.
The last thing I ever said to them was "I love you and no matter where you go you are never farther away then my heart." This stands to this day. I hope that as Chase is now getting older I will be able to start a relationship with him. The person I have to inform in order to give notice for access is not living with Chase and has not provided phone number or address and is not in Canada anymore so a relationship is difficult, phone calls and e-mails seem so slight and go unanswered.
If you see this DJ and Chris, I love you!!!! I miss you!!! And you two are not just the best things to happen to your adoptive parents, who have my utmost repect and love for loving my boys as much as I do and giving them a loving family home I never had myself growing up, but you are two of the three best things I ever did. I am proud to be your birth mom. No matter where you go or what you do I'll always be there for you if you ever need me. |
